we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
