Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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