it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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