her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
