My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
