Small penises have feelings too.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
