bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
