I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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