My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
