are you so shy because you have an std?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize