Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
