We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
