He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
