I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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