u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
