We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
