It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
