I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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