i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
