She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
