four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
