Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
