The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
