I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
