Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
