When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
