well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
