I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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