I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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