Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
