If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
