..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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