i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
