you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
