Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
