man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
