i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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