I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
