mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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