It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
