We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
