Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
