Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Four minutes until I can fart!
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize