i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
