Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
this hospital has no fireball
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Randomize