watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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