It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
