So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
