dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
