what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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