Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize