i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
