You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
