i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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