I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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