There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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