Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
