cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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