Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
