I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
