He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
