slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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