Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
