I can't watch pbs sober anymore
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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