Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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