Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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