Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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