I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
