The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize