Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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