I just pynch a tree in the face
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
