the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
